Life

At the moment I am so confused. I dont know why. Its like in breakfast at tiffanys... the mean reds.... your scared but you dont know what your scared of. The whole guy situation sucks, I realized no matter how much I am "over" elmo im never really over him. He haunts me everywhere, I believe that every man who wants me is using me. I don tknow if thats for the best or worst. I mean they could be using me, I dont know.... or they could actually like me and im driving them away with my paranoia. Life sucks. I want to crawl into a hole right now and just find some damn comfort, but I cant anywhere. I played beer pong tonight with my friends in my room and it smells like grossy beer and shit and I dont like it. I got wasted tonight and blew some concerta, and Ill be up for like 2 or 3 more hours. I think i might clean my room but I dont want to... I want to.... my mind is just in such a rut right now I dont want to but I know Ill end up doing it. I bought two packs of cigarettes and lost them both, my mind is just a spiderweb of confusion. Im out peace